Eccentricize Blog posts

It has been such a beautiful morning today. Sunny, brilliant and breezy. It is mid-July, and I can smell the change in the air. It feels cooler because of the sea air, but there is something about the sunlight that has begun to remind me of autumn. The sun is bright, but not as shouty as it was in June. It feels different, slightly softer. I was drinking iced tea and refining my blog posts. My window was open, and suddenly a loud, shrieking male voice jolted me out of my reverie.

A man and a woman were cycling together in the square outside my window. Why was he shouting at her? Well, I gathered that he was berating her for changing gears incorrectly. His voice carried across the square, full of irritation and agitation. He angrily reminded her that the bike would probably end up in the repair shop next week. At first, I thought it was a father shouting at a child. The patronising tone would have indicated that. But then the woman answered back, and from her voice I could deduce that she was an adult. She was the man’s partner, I assumed.

I felt a bit sorry for the woman. I thought: such a lovely day, a perfect day for a bike ride, so enjoyable. But was this person enjoying her ride, with an agitated partner breathing down her neck, watching her every move and controlling her gear choices? How stifling is that? Where is the room for freedom, joy, playfulness and being silly? Is that really how some relationships function?

The Inner Weather We Carry

The bicycle incident itself was not what saddened me. If this situation briefly affected my inner weather, how must it have affected the emotional atmosphere of the recipient of this public lashing out?

Without her partner’s need to shout at her, control her and berate her, she could have been enjoying the warmth of the sun on her face, the rhythm of the pedals, the freedom of moving through the streets and the simple pleasure of being alive on a glorious day. She could have cultivated sunny inner weather. Instead, her partner brought storm, thunder and agitation. If my own inner weather was affected merely by overhearing his tone through an open window, hers must have been affected tenfold.

The Glorification of Relationships

This is what people rarely talk about when they glorify relationships. Society endlessly promotes companionship as though being coupled is automatically better than being alone. Films celebrate it, families question you about it, and single women are often treated as though they are missing the most important part of life. Yet hardly anyone asks what kind of emotional climate another person creates around you and whether or not it is conducive to your wellbeing.

We are constantly asked whether we are single or not, but rarely whether we are peaceful. That is a much more important question.

Psychological Peace Is a Form of Wealth

We, as a society, spend so much time accumulating financial wealth. But in my opinion, wealth has many other currencies, not just monetary ones, such as health, wellbeing, freedom, peace and authenticity.

I do believe that psychological peace is one of the most undervalued forms of wealth. It does not appear on bank statements, and nobody congratulates you for protecting it, yet it affects every single area of your life. You sleep differently when you are peaceful. You breathe differently. You have more headspace, and you think more clearly. You notice beauty and subtle shifts in nature and within yourself. You laugh more easily. You move through the world without constantly bracing yourself for somebody else’s criticism, agitation or bad mood.

A relationship is not automatically an improvement to a life. Another person’s presence is not necessarily an enhancement simply because they are physically there. If someone repeatedly brings tension, criticism, control and emotional storms into your day, companionship begins to cost far more than it gives.

This Is What I Would Have Said

If that had happened to me, I would have stopped, got off the bike and said:

“Listen, mate. Firstly, can you please calm down and stop shouting at me? Secondly, this is my bike and I can do whatever the heck I want with it. I might even throw it into the sea. Thirdly, from now on I will be cycling by myself. Have a nice day, mate.”

Then I would have left him there with his gears, his agitation and his need to tell me how to ride a bike.I would have continued the ride alone, feeling the sunshine and the breeze. It is important to safeguard our emotional wellbeing by setting clear boundaries.

Peace is More Important Than Companionship

That is the difference. I no longer believe that preserving companionship is more important than preserving my peace and nurturing healthy inner weather. I do not believe that a relationship must be maintained at any cost simply because society has taught us that being with someone is better than being alone.

Being alone can be beautiful, soulful and enriching. It can be conducive to personal and spiritual growth. Sometimes travelling through life solo is healthier and more satisfying than being accompanied by an emotionally draining partner.

The Freedom of Cycling Alone

Perhaps that woman would have been much happier and calmer cycling by herself that morning. Perhaps she would have been dashing through the streets, feeling free, enjoying the warmth and listening only to the movement of the wheels beneath her. Instead, she had to absorb a shouty, agitated man berating her over a bicycle.

Relationships are glorified almost as a compulsory life achievement, but psychological peace is barely mentioned. Yet what is the value of companionship if it disrupts your inner weather?

What a Good Relationship Should Never Cost

A good relationship should not make you smaller, more tense or less free and peaceful. It should not turn ordinary mistakes into opportunities for humiliation. It should not require you to organise your behaviour around another person’s temper. The people closest to us have enormous power over our emotional climate. Their tone enters our nervous system. Their moods fill the room. Their words can change the emotional temperature of an entire day.

The Question That Matters

The real question is not whether you have someone beside you. The real question is whether their presence allows you to remain yourself, breathe freely and enjoy the sunshine. Life is too short to spend beautiful mornings absorbing somebody else’s heavy clouds and emotional outbursts.

It is not easy to find a companion who makes the sky bluer and adds a bit of a rainbow. This is why, I would rather cycle alone beneath a blue sky.